Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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