I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
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