You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Randomize
