the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
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you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
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Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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