Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Randomize
