So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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