I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
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