Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
