I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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