I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Randomize
