Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
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