so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
