its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
