Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I touched a dick in church today
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
