It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
