WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Randomize
