And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Randomize
