you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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