we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
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