I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
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