it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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