i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
