Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
