I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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