One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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