So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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