You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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