I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
