The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
