can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
