My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
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