so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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