I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
