so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
