I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
