It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
do herpes really smell.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Randomize
