We won't sleep together?
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
