I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
