she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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