You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
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Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
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I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
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