I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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