My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
