i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
