As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
so let's talk penis.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
