I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
