tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
