Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
