Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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