Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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