Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Randomize
