he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Randomize
