everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
