that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
