why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
