I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
