Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
