who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
