I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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