I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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