He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
