I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
