it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
