My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
