I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
You had me at "let me see your balls"
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
