You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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