So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Your mouth is God's brothel.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Randomize
