My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
