so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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