Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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