i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
