You don't have asthma, your pregnant
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
