I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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