last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
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Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
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Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
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