I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
