no. you can't hotbox the world.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Randomize
