I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
