His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
